Stoicism & ego

Hello again, my friend.

I’m feeling amazing this morning, even though it’s gloomy and raining outside.

I have never let something external define my mood for more than 10 minutes.

Even at times when I was drinking heavily, I’d wake up the next day and get back to work, as though nothing happened the day before.

I was cleaning my room once when I heard my mom say that my grandfather passed away. I cried for 10 minutes and kept cleaning shortly after.

My family and my close friends always ask me, “How can you be so nonchalant?”

When I was starting out on my journey of self-development, I stumbled upon a book called “How to be a Stoic” by Massimo Pigliucci (highly recommend reading it).

This book affected my thinking in many ways since then and made me dive deeper into Stoicism.

The most important lesson I took from it was this:

Ego is a double-edged sword.

It is a part of you, but it can ruin you forever.

It can bring you happiness and fulfillment, but it also can stray you away from who you really are and make you pursue goals you never truly desired.

It will tell you that you must succeed at all costs, that you’re not enough, that you are flawed.

You may hate the way you are now just because someone in the past bullied you for that.

You may want to be ultra-rich just because that will bring you validation you stopped receiving.

You may also resist growth and change because your ego sees it as a threat.

However, helping others or connecting deeply with the world brings fulfillment that transcends ego-driven desires.

I wasn’t nonchalant because I didn’t feel anything towards my grandpa.

I was just wise enough to not ruin my memories I have of him with my ego and let it go.

You must learn to coexist with your ego.

Desires, insecurities, emotions - listen to what it tells you and decide whether you agree with it or not.

When you understand your ego's needs, you can truly pursue happiness.

I do not agree with my ego in many situations, and that’s okay.

Just be aware of its existence.

Ask these questions to understand your ego better:

• How do I define myself?

• Are these definitions based on external things (career, status) or internal qualities?

• Do I feel threatened by criticism or failure?

• Am I overly attached to my identity or roles in life?

Remember - if you do not shape yourself internally, the outside world will do it for you, and you probably don’t want that.

Thanks for reading & until next time,

Nurysein